I think this trailer answers it all. First, it's like being skull-fucked with the Stupid Stick. But it also does a fine job of raping another culture!
I saw this trailer before Wall*E today (which was brilliant, by the way) and my first reaction, after I picked my jaw off of the floor was "I want to put a gun in the mouth of every person in America now."
Get ready for some deep hurting:
Now I understand why my girlfriend refuses to go to Disney World with me.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
What you read vs. what you see.
So, the other day I was trolling around IMDB curious to what Thomas Jane is up to. I kinda have had a man-crush on Mr. Jane ever since I saw him in Stander:
It's actually a pretty powerful movie. Anyway, I was looking at his upcoming projects and one of them is The Mutant Chronicles. That's a silly title, I grant you. But sillier still was the synopsis (BE WARNED, HERE BE SPOILERS!):
"Earth's natural resources have been exhausted by mankind and battle rages between the soldiers of four leading Corporations: the Capitol, Bauhaus, Mishima and Imperial.
Mitch Hunter and Nathan Rooker, battle hardened Capitol soldiers, fight a desperate battle against a Bauhaus advance. When an errant shell destroys an ancient stone seal, they find themselves facing a new enemy: hideous necromutants, with boneblades that grow from their arms. Mitch barely manages to escape. Nathan does not.
The mutants multiply by millions and they destroy all before them. The Corporations' leader, Constantine, is about to abandon the planet and leave countless innocents to their desperate fate, when he is approached by Brother Samuel, leader of the Brotherhood, and ancient monastic order
Samuel is keeper of the Chronicles, a book that prophesies both the rise of the Mutants and the 'Deliverer' that will destroy them. Samuel believes he is that Deliverer destined to journey deep into the earth and destroy the source of the mutant scourge.
He manages to recruit Mitch, along with a handful of like-minded soldiers: Steiner, honor bound Bauhaus officer; sword wielding Severian; street fighter El Jesus; fearless beauty Duval; and stoic warrior Juba.
"Mutant Chronicle" follows Mitch and Samuel's mission to venture into the very heart of the darkness in an attempt to save the planet from marauding hordes of deathless mutants."
Sounds like a bad straight to video, no? Then I saw the trailer this morning:
Okay, now that looks cool! Which is my point. Film is a visual medium. duh. I can describe a movie to you in all of the words that I have, but if the concept is out there, it would be hard for me to convince you that maybe you should see it. Only when you see a crazy concept like that with your own eyes do you begin to understand what I'm trying to describe to you. This is what a good trailer i supposed to do: entice you. And in that regard, this is a very good trailer indeed. So yeah, I like what I see so far of this movie. It has a distinctive style in the war scenes that remind me of World War I, and if boingboing has taught us anything it's this: the future is a lot cooler if it looks like it came from the past. Plus, it's got Ron Perlman! Hellboy and The Punisher vs. countless mutant hordes? Oh, yeah!
It's actually a pretty powerful movie. Anyway, I was looking at his upcoming projects and one of them is The Mutant Chronicles. That's a silly title, I grant you. But sillier still was the synopsis (BE WARNED, HERE BE SPOILERS!):
"Earth's natural resources have been exhausted by mankind and battle rages between the soldiers of four leading Corporations: the Capitol, Bauhaus, Mishima and Imperial.
Mitch Hunter and Nathan Rooker, battle hardened Capitol soldiers, fight a desperate battle against a Bauhaus advance. When an errant shell destroys an ancient stone seal, they find themselves facing a new enemy: hideous necromutants, with boneblades that grow from their arms. Mitch barely manages to escape. Nathan does not.
The mutants multiply by millions and they destroy all before them. The Corporations' leader, Constantine, is about to abandon the planet and leave countless innocents to their desperate fate, when he is approached by Brother Samuel, leader of the Brotherhood, and ancient monastic order
Samuel is keeper of the Chronicles, a book that prophesies both the rise of the Mutants and the 'Deliverer' that will destroy them. Samuel believes he is that Deliverer destined to journey deep into the earth and destroy the source of the mutant scourge.
He manages to recruit Mitch, along with a handful of like-minded soldiers: Steiner, honor bound Bauhaus officer; sword wielding Severian; street fighter El Jesus; fearless beauty Duval; and stoic warrior Juba.
"Mutant Chronicle" follows Mitch and Samuel's mission to venture into the very heart of the darkness in an attempt to save the planet from marauding hordes of deathless mutants."
Sounds like a bad straight to video, no? Then I saw the trailer this morning:
Okay, now that looks cool! Which is my point. Film is a visual medium. duh. I can describe a movie to you in all of the words that I have, but if the concept is out there, it would be hard for me to convince you that maybe you should see it. Only when you see a crazy concept like that with your own eyes do you begin to understand what I'm trying to describe to you. This is what a good trailer i supposed to do: entice you. And in that regard, this is a very good trailer indeed. So yeah, I like what I see so far of this movie. It has a distinctive style in the war scenes that remind me of World War I, and if boingboing has taught us anything it's this: the future is a lot cooler if it looks like it came from the past. Plus, it's got Ron Perlman! Hellboy and The Punisher vs. countless mutant hordes? Oh, yeah!
Random theories about movie trailers...
It's funny. Movie trailers do so many things. First, obviously, they are an advertisement for an upcoming film. They are designed to attract. But they also warn you away from awful movie like this one does:
Okay, so there's no argument that The Love Guru looks really bad. Maybe if this came out 10 or 12 years ago, it would have done better, but comedy has moved on and someone forgot to cc Mike Myers on that. Has-been comedians aside, here's a scientific fact: If you go to see a movie and the majority of the trailers before the feature presentation look this bad or worse, that guarantees that the feature itself will, in all likelihood, suck. The first time I noticed this was 7 years ago when I was dragged to see The Score with Ed Norton and DeNiro. Every trailer looked worse than the last, and then, (surprise, surprise) The Score was awful as well. Not "Clifford" bad, but tepid and predictable and it was very obvious that the cast was just doing it for the paycheck, which is always sad to watch. And then I started noticing that every time I saw a bad movie, at least 3/4 (but usually all) of the trailers before the feature were for movies that looked to be complete garbage.
So that's my movie trailer theory of the day.
To cleanse your palette, here's a trailer that's 30 years old, and still gives me geeky goosebumps, plus I really dig the Christ analogy:
Okay, so there's no argument that The Love Guru looks really bad. Maybe if this came out 10 or 12 years ago, it would have done better, but comedy has moved on and someone forgot to cc Mike Myers on that. Has-been comedians aside, here's a scientific fact: If you go to see a movie and the majority of the trailers before the feature presentation look this bad or worse, that guarantees that the feature itself will, in all likelihood, suck. The first time I noticed this was 7 years ago when I was dragged to see The Score with Ed Norton and DeNiro. Every trailer looked worse than the last, and then, (surprise, surprise) The Score was awful as well. Not "Clifford" bad, but tepid and predictable and it was very obvious that the cast was just doing it for the paycheck, which is always sad to watch. And then I started noticing that every time I saw a bad movie, at least 3/4 (but usually all) of the trailers before the feature were for movies that looked to be complete garbage.
So that's my movie trailer theory of the day.
To cleanse your palette, here's a trailer that's 30 years old, and still gives me geeky goosebumps, plus I really dig the Christ analogy:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)